What the Ferret
by BlameItOnTheLoveOfRockAndRoll
Summary: Hermione Granger is now in a relationship. "...congratulations to you Hermione, even if this is the first I am hearing about this." "Maybe she forgot she had a boyfriend?" "I HOPE THE GIANT SQUID EATS YOU ALIVE!" "I HOPE YOU GO BALD THE NEXT DAY!" "As of today, you are officially disowned."


_**Welcome folks to my first ever HP/Dramione fic! This story took two years in production and was only completed in two days just last week. Lazy, lazy, lazy I know, but I am glad it is FINALLY finished. Did not intend to make it long, but hope you all forgive me for that. **_

_**Just picture their final year as 2013 instead of 1998, Snape is still alive, Dumbledore is not dead but not featured in the story, the war is over, and a piece of muggle technology has recently been introduced to Hogwarts. So without further ado, READ READ READ.**_

_**Disclaimer: My name would be J.K. Rowling instead of... what my birth name is if I owned the series.  
**_

* * *

STATUS UPDATED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:22 PM

_Hermione Granger is now in a relationship._

_..._

_Lavender Brown likes Hermione Granger's relationship status._

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: LAVENDER BROWN  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:23 PM

Everyone spread the news – Hermione Granger is no longer single. I repeat, HERMIONE GRANGER IS NO LONGER SINGLE!

...

_Ginny Weasley likes Hermione Granger's relationship status._

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GINNY WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:24 PM

WHATTHEFERRETOHMYGODRICGRYFF INDORHERMIONEYOULUCKYGIRLIAM SOHAPPYFORYOUWHOISTHELUCKYGU YUHHARRYHOWDOIWORKTHISAGAIN

...

_Harry Potter likes Hermione Granger's relationship status._

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HARRY POTTER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:27 PM

Ginny, you are meant to use the long rectangle button to space out your words, and press the caps lock button to alternate between uppercase and lowercase letters, and if you want to start a new sentence you press the enter button and if you want to submit your comment, then move your mouse cursor to where it says 'send' on the screen. But you already know that last part. And don't forget your punctuation and grammar!

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HARRY POTTER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:29 PM

Oh Godric, I'm acting like Hermione… :/

In other words, congratulations to you Hermione, even if this is the first I am hearing about this. So in Ginny's words, what the ferret?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GINNY WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:31 PM

I completely agree with your previous sentence/comment/post/whatever the ferret it is called Harry. Now Hermione, how come you never told me about this? I feel heartbroken that you did not even consider telling me you were dating someone.

So Harry, did I type everything right?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HARRY POTTER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:33 PM

Yes you did; and I guess with the stress and planning over Operation Voldie Go Kaboom! as well as NEWTS and Head Girl duties, you can't blame her for not telling us in the first place. Although I must say, I am also hurt that I am not hearing about this until now. I'm curious as to why she revealed this now all of a sudden.

...

_Neville Longbottom likes Hermione Granger's relationship status._

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:34 PM

Maybe she forgot she had a boyfriend?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GINNY WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:36 PM

Yes Neville. The reason why Hermione would update her relationship status was because she FORGOT she had a boyfriend.

_Harry Potter likes this. Neville Longbottom dislikes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:37 PM

No need to use sarcasm. GOSH!

...

_George Weasley likes Hermione Granger's relationship status._

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GEORGE WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:40 PM

What the ferret? Our l'il Hermy has found Mr. Hermy? They grow up so fast. One minute she is studying her arse off for some schoolwork, and the next minute she is… studying her arse off for some schoolwork…

… BUT WITH A MAN BY HER SIDE! :D

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:42 PM

Harryhowdoyouusethisthingiti sstupidandpointlesslikehermi onescat

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HARRY POTTER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:43 PM

Follow the instructions in my first comment Ron.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:45 PM

icantseeit

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GINNY WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:46 PM

YOU SCROLL UP YOU NINCOMPOOP!

_Neville Longbottom, George Weasley and 6 other people like this. Ron Weasley dislikes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:48 PM

Don't make me tell mum what you and Harry did in the kitchen during the summer.

Wait a minute… Hermione, since when were you dating someone? WHAT THE ACTUAL FERRET!?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GINNY WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:50 PM

YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD NOT TELL MUM WHAT INCIDENT OCCURRED BETWEEN HARRY AND MYSELF!

Hold on… Hermione is not dating you? :O

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GEORGE WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:51 PM

Oooooooo, scandalous!

_Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom, Blaise Zabini and 3 other people like this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GEORGE WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:52 PM

By the way Gin, mum already knows that you and Harry broke her pots and pans and set fire to the rug in the dining room. Expect a howler any day now :D

_Ron Weasley likes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GINNY WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:53 PM

WHAT?! RON!

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GEORGE WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:54 PM

Actually, mum was looking at this conversation over my shoulder and asked me what you and Harry did in the summer. So I told her.

_Ron Weasley likes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GINNY WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:55PM

GEORGE! HOW COULD YOU?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GEORGE WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:56 PM

THAT IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU SET ME ON FIRE IN THE DINING ROOM!

_Ron Weasley likes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY GEORGE WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:57 PM

STOP LIKING WHAT I WRITE RON!

_Ron Weasley likes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HARRY POTTER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:58 PM

If it makes you feel any better George, she gave him a Bat Bogey hex… as well as made the clothes he was wearing vanish in front of everyone in the common room.

_George Weasley likes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GEORGE WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 8:59 PM

Alas, the pupil has become the master.

...

_Luna Lovegood likes Hermione Granger's relationship status._

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: LUNA LOVEGOOD  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:00 PM

I am pretty positive a Nargle bit her so she could find her soul mate.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:02 PM

… Luna, I do not know how to reply to your comment.

Ginny, this is the second time today I have gone naked in front of everyone. EVERYONE!

Hermione, WHO THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DATING AND SINCE WHEN?

...

_Blaise Zabini likes Hermione Granger's relationship status._

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: BLAISE ZABINI  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:03 PM

That awkward moment when the girl Weasley has a thing for is dating someone that is not him…

And technically, you did reply to Lovegood's comment.

_Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy and 17 other people like this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:04 PM

Uh Mione… why do you have a poisonous snake as your friend on this thingy?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: BLAISE ZABINI  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:06 PM

Psshh, and you call us prejudiced? Granger is Head Girl and I am just a mere prefect. We sort of have to communicate with each other since we sometimes patrol with each other and we sit together in Charms. You should know this Weasley; we sit in front of you.

Would not be surprised if that potion you made this morning in Potions that left you in your morning glory blew up your brain.

Anyways; Granger, congrats to you and your significant partner, whoever he is. I can't promise I won't tell who you are dating though ;)

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:08 PM

Zabini, a Slytherin, knows who you are dating and we, your best friends and your housemates don't? Why Hermione, why?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: BLAISE ZABINI  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:10 PM

Let's just say that she should not have been making out with her top secret boy toy of hers in the restricted section of the library when they were caught by a suave and magnificent Italian stallion that is defiantly not using this dirty piece of information as blackmail.

You heard nothing from me.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:12 PM

I rather have slugs come out of my mouth for eternity than reading your comment Zabini. You're lying, I know you are.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: BLAISE ZABINI  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:13 PM

That can be arranged. And it would be a lie if I said I was lying Weasley.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:13 PM

What?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: BLAISE ZABINI  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:14 PM

Nothing…

… Typical of a Weasley.

_Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley and George Weasley dislike this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: PANSY PARKINSON  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:16 PM

Who would want to date you, you ugly Mudblood!

_Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom and 43 other people dislike this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: PANSY PARKINSON  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:16 PM

How come I can comment but I cannot dislike this wretch's relationship status? WHAT THE FERRET!?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:17 PM

Why don't you just jump in the lake with the giant squid and stay under the water for everyone else's sake?

_4 people like this. Pansy Parkinson dislikes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HARRY POTTER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:19 PM

Ron, I think you are making a big deal over whoever Hermione is dating. Just take a deep breath and calm down. I am pretty sure that she will explain this when we see her.

Speaking of which, does anyone know where she is? According to the chat, she hasn't been online since she made her status.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:21 PM

Harry, I am not overreacting. Hermione is our best friend and she did not even bother to tell us that she was dating someone. For all we know, she could have been with this person before the war! What kind of a friend is she for keeping this a secret for so long? Not that I believe Zabini or this status or anything.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:24 PM

Well, well, well. Looks like the bucktooth beaver is taken. I feel sorry for whomever you are attached to.

_Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini like this. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley dislike this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:26 PM

Hermione, I know you are all up for house unity due to being head girl and all but seriously… why are you friends with him of all people? I have tried my best to be nice to Zabini and Parkinson, but like hell I am going to be nice to Malfoy!

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: BLAISE ZABINI  
MADE ON MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:27 PM

If that was you being nice, I sure as hell would love to see you being smart.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:29 PM

In case you have not realized (which seems highly possible), Granger and I are both heads for our year, and we are forced to be civil with each other among other reasons, no matter how much we want to Avada ourselves to oblivion.

And apparently, I need new people to loathe me. The old ones are starting to be nice to me.

_Blaise Zabini likes this._

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:31 PM

Shouldn't you all be doing your homework instead of wasting your precious studying time procrastinating?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:32 PM

Oh thank goodness Hermione you are on. Now tell everyone that you are not dating anyone. Or tell everyone who you are dating if you are, but I know you are not.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:33 PM

Way to be specific Ron.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:34 PM

Yes Granger. Why don't you give us an insight to who you were with in the library at the restricted section begging this person to recite phrases and expressions in French to you while the two of you were snogging?

_Blaise Zabini likes this. Ron Weasley dislikes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:36 PM

Wait, it's true? You are dating someone? Malfoy and Zabini, two SLYTHERINS, know who you are dating, and you don't even bother telling YOUR BEST FRIENDS? Some kind of friend you are.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:37 PM

Somebody is learning a lot. Too bad there are no brain cells left in that numbskull red head.

_Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott, Pansy Parkinson and 8 others like this. Ron Weasley dislikes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:40 PM

I cannot believe people are making a big deal out of this. Someone hacked into my account and posted this as my status. So no, I am not dating anyone. Not that it should be anyone's concern in the first place.

You say a lot of things before you think Ronald Weasley, but this is by far the worst. How dare you accuse me of being in a relationship and not even bother to tell you and Harry about it? I cannot believe you do not think I trust you with a piece of information like this. Even if I was seeing someone, which I AM NOT, but if I was, I would need to get Harry and your approval in the first place. The two of you may be the brothers I never had, but we will always be family.

So how dare you say that comment to me. Some kind of friend am I? More like some kind of friend YOU are!

_Ron Weasley and Harry Potter like this._

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:41 PM

And shut up Malfoy. It is because of you and Blaise that everyone is spiraling out of control because of this deception. And you should know of all people that it was Latin, not French.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:43 PM

I'm sorry Hermione. You know me; I do and say a lot of stupid things without thinking. I was just hurt that you did not trust me or Harry in telling us you were seeing someone. Even though you confirmed you are not, I still should not have reacted the way I did. Sorry Mione.

_Hermione Granger likes this._

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: BLAISE ZABINI  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:45 PM

You can write, say and deny whatever you want Granger, but answer me this. What did you mean by your sentence to Draco when you wrote, "And you should know of all people that it was Latin, not French"?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:46 PM

Blaise is correct in pointing that out. So elaborate Granger, what do you mean by that?

_Blaise Zabini likes this._

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:47 PM

This is what I meant when you and Blaise are making everyone spiral out of control because of this.

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:48 PM

A wise person once told me that the worst part about being lied to is knowing that you are not worth the truth.

_Blaise Zabini likes this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:49 PM

I am not lying to you or to anyone, and I cannot believe you are using that quote on me. I am the one that told you that after all!

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:52 PM

Really? So you are not lying to anyone at all? You are not lying to anyone how you truly feel deep inside. You and I both know that even the nicest person's patience has its limits. You cannot bottle up your feelings anymore Hermione, because someone is going to be opening the bottle and you can bet it is going to be me. We may not be proud of everything we have done but I am pretty confident we would do it all again.

Know what, fuck it. Let's play a fucking game, let's fucking play truth or dare then, or better, just dare since NOBODY REALLY TELLS THE TRUTH ANYMORE.

_Blaise Zabini likes this._

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:53 PM

STOP LIKING MY COMMENTS BLAISE!

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: BLAISE ZABINI  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:53 PM

I have my reasons.

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 9:58 PM

You are an insufferable, annoying prat of a git, do you know that? Do you want to know why? I will tell you. The reason why I have not told anyone about who I am seeing is because I am scared. I am scared because I do not know what lies ahead for me and for him in the future. This relationship I have with him reminds me of the clichéd good-girl-bad-boy romance scenarios but it is also far more real, passionate and alive than Ginny's romance muggle novels will ever be.

Yes I will admit, we had our ups and downs and we still do. But nobody is perfect. I am not perfect, far from it. I sometimes do not know what you see in me, why you want to date someone like me. Your fellow Head, your opposite, your enemy. Yet you remind me everytime that my imperfections make me perfect. That my temper makes you want to Avada yourself yet it gives you power and makes you stronger so you can fight back. That my eyes are just an ordinary colour yet looking into it brings you back to life and if you could, stare at them forever. That I am just like any other girl yet I am not, I am different from all the rest. And my imperfections apply to you as well, except you are just like any other guy but definitely different and that is what makes you unique.

Our past separated us because of our differences, but respect was the only common trait we had for each other. I do not care about the past anymore, whatever happened had happened. Maybe it was for a reason, maybe it was not. But just know that I do not judge you by your past because we are not in the past anymore. I accept you for who you are because this is you today Draco, and I respect you.

_Blaise Zabini, Lavender Brown, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Parvati Patil and 68 other people like this._

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:00 PM

You make me read all of that, when the one thing I wanted to read was not. Written. At. All. Not happy Granger, not happy at all.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:03 PM

YOU JERK OF A NEANDERTHAL! WE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR FIVE MONTHS IN SECRECY BECAUSE YOU AND I BOTH KNEW THAT EVERYONE WOULD GO CRAZY AND OVERREACT AND THINK IT WAS ANOTHER GREAT WAR. I WROTE A THOUGHTFUL SPEECH ABOUT HOW I FEEL SINCE YOU SAID YOURSELF THAT I SHOULD NOT BE BOTTLING MY FEELINGS AND I WAS FURTHER GOING TO SAY HOW I WAS FALLING FOR YOU HARD AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS THAT YOU ARE NOT HAPPY AT ALL? WHAT THE FLIPPING FERRET IS THE MATTER WITH YOU DRACO MALFOY? WHY THE HELL AM I DOING DATING A COLD AND HEARTLESS SLYTHERIN LIKE YOU?

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:05 PM

DID YOU HAVE TO SHOUT IN MY EAR AT THE SAME TIME AS WRITING YOUR SPEECH WHICH MAY HAVE TOUCHED ME? ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME DEAF WOMAN? ALL I WANTED WAS FO YOU TO ADMIT THAT YOU WERE FALLING FOR ME BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT, I AM IRRESISTIBLE, GORGEOUS AND THE EPITOME OF HANDSOME BUT NO, MY GRYFFINDOR GIRLFRIEND WITH A BUSH FOR HAIR HAD TO GO HOT AND CRAZY BECAUSE A WAND WAS SHOVED UP HER BUTT AND SHE MISUNDERSTOOD ME.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:07 PM

OH GREAT, LOOK WHAT TIME IT IS. BECAUSE OF YOU, WE ARE LATE FOR OUR PATROLLING. DON'T THINK WE ARE DROPPING THIS TOPIC JUST BECAUSE OF OUR HEAD DUTIES. WE WILL BE DEALING WITH THIS IN THE HEADS COMMON ROOM AFTER.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:09 PM

PLEASE, NO ONE WILL BE OUT ROAMING THE CORRIDORS BECAUSE EVERY FLIPPING STUDENT IS READING THIS! LET'S DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. WE ARE IN THE COMMON ROOM ARE WE NOT? GO UPSTAIRS RIGHT NOW, PUT ON THE RED DRESS I LIKE SO MUCH AND COME BACK DOWN SO WE CAN DEAL WITH THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:10 PM

FINE! BUT YOU HAVE TO GO UPSTAIRS AND CHANGE INTO THAT SUIT WITH THE GREY SHIRT THAT MAKES YOUR ORBS POP AND COME BACK DOWN SO YOU CAN SPEAK LATIN TO ME.

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:12 PM

FINE! BUT YOU KNOW THE DEAL – NO KISS, NO LATIN.

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HERMIONE GRANGER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:13 PM

I HOPE THE GIANT SQUID EATS YOU ALIVE!

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: DRACO MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:14 PM

I HOPE YOU GO BALD THE NEXT DAY!

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:20 PM

So umm… what just happened?

_Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley and 24 other people like this._

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: LUNA LOVEGOOD  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:22 PM

I should have known that the silver Nargle that bit Hermione was Draco.

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: GINNY WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:24 PM

… Okay Luna, but seriously, Hermione and Malfoy? Who would have thought? As much as I should be mad at her for not telling me, for some reason I am not. A part of me believes it will be doomed yet another part of me can't help but think that this could be the start of a revelation. I have been reading too many romance muggle novels.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: PANSY PARKINSON  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:25 PM

WHAT!? DRACO, ARE YOU REALLY DATING GRANGER? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO! :'(

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: LAVENDER BROWN  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:25 PM

I just realized something – the chemistry between them could destroy Hogwarts. That is just sooo romantic! :')

_5 people like this. Ron Weasley and Pansy Parkinson dislike this._

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: RON WEASLEY  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:26 PM

Parkinson - …

Lavender - that is not romantic. THAT IS HORRIBLE! Where am I going to go to school after it is blown up because of Hermione and Malfoy? Did you NOT READ their conversation at the end?

_20 people like this._

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:27 PM

If Hermione did not make that status, and I don't think Malfoy would dare go into her account just because, then who did?

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: BLAISE ZABINI  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:28 PM

You're welcome. Who would have thought being partnered with Granger for Charms would have its benefits?

_11 people like this._

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: HARRY POTTER  
MADE ON: MARCH 2ND 2013 AT 10:30 PM

This is most likely ridiculous to write and I probably will regret this, but I cannot believe Malfoy's parents are okay with this.

...

_143 likes on Hermione Granger's relationship status later…_

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: MINERVA MCGONAGALL  
MADE ON: MARCH 3RD 2013 AT 7:02 AM

Mr. Malfoy and Miss. Granger, I have to ask you to report to my office when you both see this due to the two of you not fulfilling your head duties as required last night. And for the complaints I have received of the two of you arguing.

I also expect you to report to my office Mr. Zabini, for the misuse of our newly acquired Muggles technology.

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: SEVERUS SNAPE  
MADE ON: MARCH 3RD 2013 AT 10:48 AM

Infinity points from Gryffindor because I said so. And detention Miss. Granger because I said so.

And Draco, don't make me tell your parents.

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STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: NARCISSA MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 3RD 2013 AT 3:25 PM

I EXPECT GRANDCHILDREN AS SOON AS POSSIBE DRACO. I CANNOT LIVE FOREVER.

...

STATUS COMMENT POSTED BY: LUCIUS MALFOY  
MADE ON: MARCH 3RD 2013 AT 3:31 PM

What the blasting ferret is this nonsense Draco Abraxas Malfoy? As of today, you are officially disowned.

_Lucius Malfoy dislikes Hermione Granger's relationship status._

* * *

_**Hope you all enjoyed my terribly atrocious and random Dramione fic. I apologize if it is not up to par like all the other fabulous fics of the duo out there. I'm still reeling in from last night watching Journey and Deep Purple live in the flesh! DON'T STOP BELIEVING when there is SMOKE ON THE WATER... proof of my randomness.**_

_**Once again, thanks so much for taking the time to read WTFERRET. And if it isn't much of a trouble, do me a favour and... **_

_**SMIGGLE!  
R&R!**_


End file.
